How Alienating Parents "Justify" Their Behaviours.

Parental alienation dramatically affects families and, most importantly, children.

When one parent distances a child from the other, it can lead to serious emotional harm that lingers for years.

To truly comprehend this complex issue, we must examine how some parents justify these harmful actions, why these justifications often fail, and why children must have equal access to both parents when it is safe to do so.

If you are being alienated from your children or fear it might be a possibility then you can book a call with PAPA to discuss here.

What is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation occurs when one parent influences the child to reject the other parent.

This behaviour can manifest in various ways, from speaking negatively about the absent parent to actively preventing contact.

The emotional toll on children is significant; studies show that children who experience parental alienation are more likely to face mental health issues, including anxiety and depression.

For instance, a survey by the Journal of Family Psychology indicated that children from alienated families reported a 60% increase in emotional distress compared to their peers.

While parental alienation often arises from disputes during divorce or separation, the risks to children's well-being are undeniable.

Common Justifications from Alienating Parents

1. Protecting the Child from Harm

Parents often claim they act out of a desire to protect their child from harm.

Their concerns may stem from personal experiences or resentment toward the other parent, leading to exaggerated fears regarding the child's safety.

However, these feelings can stem more from the parent’s worries than from real threats.

Research indicates that 57% of children subjected to alienation did not report any real physical danger from the other parent.

When fear overshadows evidence, children suffer.

2. Disparaging the Other Parent’s Character

Some parents justify alienation by painting the other parent as unfit or harmful.

Accusations of irresponsibility or abuse can stem from personal grievances rather than actual behaviours.

By focusing on perceived character flaws, these parents feel justified in keeping their child away.

However, the child misses out on a full relationship with both parents and may find the negative narrative complicating their future perceptions of their own identity.

3. Desire to Control the Parenting Dynamic

Alienation can also stem from a need to maintain control.

This may arise from feelings of abandonment or loss after a divorce or separation.

Alienating the child from the other parent might seem like a way to solidify their role as the primary caregiver.

This method, however, can create significant emotional distress for the child, who may become caught between two parents rather than supported by both.

4. Influence of Extended Family and Support Systems

The attitudes of extended family can exacerbate parental alienation.

A parent seeking support from relatives may find their fears of the other parent validated, further entrenching them in alienation.

This cycle worsens the situation, where family support can reinforce harmful behaviours.

However, it is crucial to understand that family support does not always equate to healthy behaviour for the child.

5. The Impact of Trauma and Emotional Pain

Many parents who engage in alienation are dealing with their trauma and pain.

They may see their alienating actions as a coping mechanism to rid their lives of the source of their hurt.

This justification points to a need for support systems for parents experiencing emotional or mental health struggles.

When parents understand and address their issues, it reduces the likelihood of alienation occurring.

Why Parental Alienation Cannot Be Justified

1. Emotional Well-being of the Child

Research demonstrates that children thrive when they have healthy relationships with both parents.

Equal access fosters better emotional and psychological health and allows children to develop resilience.

In fact, studies show that children with active involvement from both parents report 30% higher life satisfaction compared to those who experience alienation.

2. Undermining the Role of Both Parents

Every parent brings unique strengths to their child's life.

Alienating one parent means the child misses out on valuable perspectives and support.

This dismissal can cause feelings of confusion and loss, complicating a child's understanding of love and relationships.

Children need diverse influences to shape their development positively.

3. Legitimising Negative Behaviours

Children often absorb the negative views presented by the alienating parent, which may lead them to harbour resentment and hostility.

As they grow, they may start questioning these beliefs, leading to feelings of betrayal.

Such emotional turmoil complicates family dynamics and can affect mental health well into adulthood.

4. Legal and Ethical Responsibilities

Legally, many jurisdictions uphold that both parents have the right to maintain relationships with their children.

Alienation can lead to legal consequences for parents engaging in such behaviours.

Ethically, the child's best interests must take precedence.

Using alienation as a weapon only leads to further complications and harms the family unit overall.

The Importance of Equal Access for Children

Ensuring children have equal access to both parents, when safe, is essential for their holistic development.

1. Fostering Emotional Security

The stability that comes from having relationships with both parents is vital.

It fosters a sense of safety and belonging, which children need to thrive.

Alienation can lead to feelings of insecurity and emotional distress.

2. Diverse Support Systems

Access to both parents allows children to benefit from varied support systems.

Each parent brings different parenting styles, values, and experiences that can enrich a child’s perspective on life.

Children with strong relationships with both parents often showed improved social skills and emotional resilience, marking a significant advantage in their personal development.

3. Strengthening Family Bonds

Facilitating equal access helps mend strained relationships within the family.

Positive interactions and shared experiences can promote healing, creating a supportive family environment that benefits everyone, especially the child.

4. Encouraging Respectful Co-Parenting

Children learn invaluable lessons about cooperation and conflict resolution when they witness their parents working together, despite differences.

These skills contribute to their future relationships.

5. Reducing Long-Term Emotional Risks

Prioritising relationships with both parents helps minimise the risk of long-term emotional issues arising from alienation.

By valuing each parent's role, families set a foundation for healthy emotional development.

Moving Forward

While parents may have various justifications for alienating behaviours, recognising the harm they can cause to children is crucial.

The emotional, psychological, and social consequences of parental alienation are serious.

Children deserve to maintain strong bonds with both parents, ensuring they receive the love and support needed for a healthy upbringing.

Encouraging respectful co-parenting and promoting healthy relationships not only benefits children but strengthens family units as a whole.

By advocating for children's rights and best interests, we can help break the cycle of parental alienation and foster a brighter future for all involved.

In need of help or support?

If you are an alienated parent reading this article and feel you are in need of help and support then please make sure to join PAPA today by signing up here on our website.

This will give you access to our community support forum as well as our Resource Centre, which includes downloadable guides and on-demand courses to help through the process of being alienated and regaining contact with your children.

We also have our Facebook support group that you can join here.

Our Facebook support group has several dedicated chat rooms where you can get immediate support.

If you are a member of PAPA you can also send us a message here on the website and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible but please bear in mind, we have hundreds of messages weekly so it may take us a while to get back to you.

We are currently prioritising PAPA Plus members due to high demand.

Regardless of circumstance you are not alone and at PAPA we are here to support you.

Become a PAPA Ambassador

If you like our resources, articles and support networks and agree with what we stand for then why not get involved and help us push PAPA further by joining our Ambassador Program?

We would love for you to join us and help spread awareness for parental alienation and all of the dynamics involved so that we can continue to help parents and children towards a better future.

Our Ambassador Program allows you to grow your involvement with the cause by earning points on your membership.

To earn points we have created rewards for actions such as completing one of our courses, booking a case review, or ordering supply.

We will be adding new rewards and actions to our Ambassador Program as we continue to grow our awareness efforts.

We want our members to feel rewarded for their support as we continue to look for new ways to improve the lives of those impacted by parental alienation.

You can also become a PAPA Plus member, which will give you exclusive access to even more help and resources.

Each PAPA Plus membership makes a huge difference to the cause as it really helps us to improve our services and our awareness campaigns.

Proceeds from memberships and supply allow us to push the cause much further towards raising awareness and improving our services and resources so that we can continue to help more and more parents and children.

Thank you for reading and for your continued support of PAPA and our mission to end parental alienation.