Parental Alienation is devastating to a parent and child relationship but it also affects the wider family and support network, particularly grandparents who can suffer Grandparental Alienation.
A lot has been said of the impact parental alienation has on children and their targeted parents and rightfully so but we often overlook the impact it can have on the wider support network of the alienated child and parent.
We have brothers, sisters, cousins, aunties, uncles, family friends, all of which can be detrimentally affected by parental alienation.
Children growing up without knowing their siblings can cause a lot of psychological trauma, similar to those seen in alienated children as they have essentially been alienated from their brother/sister.
Perhaps the most affected in the wider family is the grandparents.
It's often said that in cases of parental alienation the grandparents suffer twice; once for their child who is going through the severe trauma of PA and then again for their grandchildren. Having to mourn twice over for the family's losses.
We have a lot of grandparents as members and followers of PAPA who are there to help support their children through this very difficult time. The strength these grandparents show is remarkable.
Around two years ago the mother of a local father who had been alienated for several years reached out to me as she wanted to see her grandson and hadn't seen him since he was a baby.
I think the child's father had sadly given up and was not fighting to be in his child's life at this point, I didn't pry for information so I don't know the ins and outs but I would expect he was mentally exhausted.
This grandmother (of the alienated child) was regrettably very sick and had received a terminal diagnosis so she reached out to me as her dying wish was to see her son reunited with his son and for her to see her grandson again.
I tried all that I could to help them but sadly this lady passed away before she was able to see her grandchild again.
It's very sad to me to know that there are so many grandparents out there unable to find peace knowing their children and grandchildren are suffering.
So when we look at the best interest's of a child when being alienated we need to look at the wider impact as well as the impact on the target parent and child.
Tactics Used in Grandparent Alienation.
Below are some of the most common ways and tactics that an alienating parent will employ, which will often lead to grandparent alienation:
Brainwashing. Similar to how a parent will be alienated; the alienating parent will continually remind the children of how bad, unfit and uncaring their grandparents are towards them. They will exaggerate and lie about the way the grandparents feel about the child in order to create fear or dislike towards the grandparents.
Controlling contact. Alienating parents will create rigid boundaries when scheduling any contact between the child and their grandparents or they may continually cancel visits without prior notice. They may also prevent a grandparent from giving gifts in order to substantiate their narrative.
Emotional manipulation. In order to turn their child against their grandparents, an alienating parent will do all they can. They may punish their child for expressing any positive feelings about their grandparents or for merely mentioning them.
Banning information. Grandparents are intentionally kept out of the loop with what is happening with their grandchild. This can include essential information such as health concerns and school.
Interrogation. Alienating parents will often interrogate their child about any time spent with their grandparents. This causes the child to question their grandparents as they believe their parents concerns to genuine. The result being the child is less likely to desire time with their grandparents.
Rejecting gifts. This can be especially painful to the grandparent, who may have been highly invested in choosing a gift for their grandchild. It will also be painful for the alienated child if they see a gift intended for them either sent back to the giver or discarded.
There are many more tactics employed by alienating parents so it's important to observe their behaviour in order to see the signs. The tactics in alienating a parent and a grandparent are very similar. See our article on alienating behaviours here.
What Causes Grandparental Alienation?
It's important to note that in some instances there can be justified reasons for alienation such as a family history of abuse. In cases such as these it is important that the grandchildren are protected from their grandparents. No child should be put at risk in these circumstances.
These circumstances are of course rare though, as the most common cause of Grandparental Alienation is Parental Alienation.
Sadly grandparents become collateral damage when an alienating parent decides to destroy a child's support network.
It is of no consequence to the alienating parent that they are denying their child the opportunity to have a loving relationship with their grandparents, parents and wider family that would and should form their support network all the way through to adulthood.
The loss of this love and support cannot be overstated. It can and does destroy lives.
Dealing with Grandparental Alienation.
As already mentioned, the pain associated with grandparental alienation can often be viewed as twice or double the pain associated with parental alienation.
This is also amplified further by the fact that grandparents have so few means of gaining access.
Grandparents suffering alienation may experience chronic or ambiguous grief. Ambiguous grief is particularly painful because their grandchild is still present and alive but the grandchild's absence is doubly hurtful because of this.
Physical presence and emotional absence are a painful combination.
Reaching out for support is often the best way to deal with emotional turmoil and at PAPA we have a few options for those currently experiencing grandparental alienation.
In need of help or support?
If you are an alienated grandparent reading this article and feel you are in need of help and support then please make sure to join PAPA today by signing up here on our website, completely free.
This will give you access to our community support forum as well as our upcoming Resource Centre, which will include free downloadable guides to help through the process of being alienated and regaining contact with your grandchildren.
We also have a free to use Facebook support group that you can join here.
If you are a member of PAPA you can also send us a message here on the website and we will try to get back to you as soon as possible but please bear in mind, we have hundreds of messages weekly so it may take us a while to get back to you.
Thank you for reading and for your continued support of PAPA and our mission to end parental alienation.
The local authorities and social services are doing this with all my 4 children. They're just as bad as the mother in my case.
Disgusting people.. west Suffolk County Council, Sudbury social services.
I'm an alianted Nan who desperately misses my granddaughter who is 5 and I've had no contact with her for 2yrs.